if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
