You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
