Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize