my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
