census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
