I am puke
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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