Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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