Don't make out with my wife yet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize