dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
