I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize