I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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