Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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