return my video game
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize