It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
