Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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