Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
