actually, I'm a sock model
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
