walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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