btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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