Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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