So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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