it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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