I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize