clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
