well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
