she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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