You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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