I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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