That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize