I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
