Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
