if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize