did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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