Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
