i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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