im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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