she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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