since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize