Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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