ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
