He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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