If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
