Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
