she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
