I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize