I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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