Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize