i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think your dad took our porno
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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