i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
