if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
