Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
