Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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