Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize