I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
