why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
