mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
