Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
