im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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