I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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