he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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