I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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