Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My balls are so social today.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
