Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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