he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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