the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
