I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
