Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
