In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
