glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
